Nerdism, Politics, and Ranting: *sigh* You just have to love people.
When a comment such as this:
Only, there’s a difference between turning the other cheek, and being a good person. If you turn the other cheek then you’re not doing anything. You’re letting everything slide. If you say “actually, I find that offensive because of ___” and state your reasons and explain how what they said is offensive, and that you don’t like it then you’re not rewarding them. If they don’t say “oh, hey, thanks” and just keep doing it anyways then they’re not really worth your time. You don’t have to be an asshole to prove a point, and you don’t have to turn the other cheek either. You need to find middle ground.
In fact, I equate being the better person as standing up to a bully if you see someone being bullied. You’re being better than all of those people that didn’t say anything. You’re also being a better person than the bully.
The world isn’t black and white, so your reactions shouldn’t be either.Elicits a response such as:
I would say that there’s a bit of issues going on. After all… last I checked, it’s not a bad idea to view the world as multiple shades of color in general. I do not approve of the idea that it’s ok to take your transgressions out on someone, and send them death threats. That’s just me though.
It seems as though when ever I post something that goes against the “all or nothing” black and white mentality that I seem to have these two people attacking me. Personally, I would prefer to ignore them. But it’s also nice to know just how spiteful people can be in the name of “activism”.
I stand by my previous comments that there is a difference between letting someone walk all over you, and being a nice person. Violence does not always have to happen, and it is often the one who does not resort to needless violence who is the most honorable. There is a time and a place for everything, and I certainly do believe that everything has its exceptions. I also do believe that people are allowed and able to change their views, and that you should not jump to conclusions. Do not judge too quickly, for that is when you begin looking like an ass.
My previous comment was in fact what the article was talking about. Turning the other cheek is being “too nice”, and of course it would be ineffective. Informing someone of something and explaining it however is being kind, but not too nice. The behavior that Note-a-bear and velocicrafter seem to advocate however is NOT a socially acceptable way of handling things and MAY result in criminal charges at some point in time. In fact, that sort of behavior is more likely to make any reasonable and good person who is trying to LEARN and understand to want to back off and say “oh shit, they’re nasty. I don’t want to associate myself with her”.
Oh, and for the record note-a-bear… I am not colorblind. I see people the color that their skin is. However, I do not see any reason to judge someone based off of that or rely on stereotypes. I also realize that you can not identify someone’s race or ethnicity based on their appearance. I also do not see any reason to treat them any bit differently than I would anyone else. So you can seriously just can it already. The only people who intimidate me are those who are needlessly angry (and thus more likely to physically hurt me which HAS happened in the past), and those who are much taller and muscular than me. Again… because I often fear my safety.
- Sit with the phrase “needlessly angry” for a minute. Then sit with it another minute.
- Consider the modifier “needlessly.” Need-less, needless, needlessly: Without need.
- Who determines need?
- Consider who’s applying that modifier. Is the person applying that modifier effectively asserting their right to determine need in this conversation?
- Does the person applying that modifier in fact have that right?
- Consider whether that person might be participating in a very old dynamic in so blithely applying that modifier, “needlessly.”
- When the candle starts flickering, make sure it’s sitting on a nonflammable surface. Safety first.
Ok, how about “frighteningly angry” to the point where I feel threatened, and start having flashbacks? After all, yes that’s what I get when I have people react like that. Why? Because my step dad used to hit me because he would get unexplainable bursts of anger sometimes promoted by my sister being too tired to do her homework. Or perhaps when my ex boyfriend tried to smash my head through the wall. Or when my mom threw a fucking kitchen knife at me?
I’m less than 5 ft tall and I weigh about 78 lbs. I believe that it is PERFECTLY reasonable for me to be frightened when someone starts having a hissy fit, especially when they are showing violent behavior.
Or are you saying that it’s perfectly REASONABLE and acceptable to assault people or THREAT people with physical injury or display highly aggressive behavior?
No, nerdydyke. I’m saying I have BEEN you.
I’m saying once upon a time I overreacted to the mention of a sharp object in the hands of a black woman and that I have regretted doing so ever since, for reasons best explained in this post by Nanette, although you’d be doing yourself many favors by reading all of it, including what she’s responding to. Specifically here, though:
In the midst of one of Marcotte’s many (many, many) racefails (I think it may have been “Burqa on a Stick”), before FFF, before the racist imagery in Jungle whatever, you “sharpened your machete” to do a analysis of whatever it was she was failing at at that moment, and she came toddling along behind her boyfriend at the time (Marc somebody) as he stomped into your site to threaten you. Because, of course, you were being “violent” and “threatening” and using “threatening language” against Amanda, and all that, because you were sharpening your machete - a rhetorical, storyteller’s device that should frighten no one. Unless, of course, it is being said by a Black woman (and I think you were all of 20 or 21 at the time) — because as belledame222 pointed out, her site name is “fetch me my axe” and no one thinks she is threatening. And R. Mildred pointed out that she had (on Marc’s site) that morning written a post about hoping a blogger on another site burst into a ball of fire and no one thought she was seriously threatening anyone. So why did they think you were?
And I’m saying, you have to ask yourself that last question if you want to have the barest candle-flicker upstairs regarding how life works. And I’m saying that as someone who’s spent plenty of time on the receiving end of the abuse cycle; I’m saying that as someone who spent years wishing the barest concept of weaponry did not exist; I’m saying that as someone who comforted herself with the hokey-ass lyrics to a Burt Bacharach song more nights than not, who to this day cannot figure out why the word, concept, and actual fact of “gun” is regarded so casually by most people, so casually that guns appear in most of their entertainments and so few people think this is weird.
I get what you’re saying. But you need to take a hard look at why black women, particularly, so frighten and threaten you. If nothing else, do it for the selfish reason that it’ll be one more potential enemy to cross off your list, and I don’t know about you, but I’m always and forever celebrating getting to do THAT.
BLACK PEOPLE DO NOT SCARE ME! I am not frightened because of their race. I’m frightened because of the blatant violent behavior that those women are reacting with. If black women scared me I wouldn’t be dating my girlfriend and I would have been frightened by many of the teachers that I’ve had in the past, as well as my neighbors that I babysat for.
The only time that a black person ever hurt me was when we were riding bikes and he was riding his bike the opposite direction from me, and my pinky nail caught on his bike handle. He didn’t realize this, and kept riding. I didn’t even realize it until I felt immense amount of pain because my nail tore back. He was my neighbor, so he ran to my front door and knocked to get my mom as I cried on the cement.
Not once did I feel threatened by my librarian in elementary school who helped me to love books. Not once did I feel threatened by my 5th grade teacher who would give me extra math assignments and let me stay in during recess so I could avoid bullying. She’s the one who sparked my activism. Not once did I feel threatened by my health teacher in 8th grade. Nor did I feel threatened by my neighbors. Not once did I feel feel threatened by my friends. Not once did I feel threatened by my American history teacher in 11th grade. I did not feel threatened by my guidance counselor who was also my advisor for the GSA when I was president of the club in 12th grade. Not once did I feel threatened by my computer science teacher. Not once did I feel threatened by my pre-calc teacher in 12th grade. I felt contempt toward him for sending me to the nurses office because I was falling asleep in class due to the fact that I was running on 3 hours sleep and, and was still recovering from a lung infection while on antibiotics… but I was never threatened or fearful of him. Not once have I felt threatened by my girlfriend. Not once have I felt threatened by any other black person that I have met, unless you count average social anxiety that I feel when ever I’m in a room full of people I don’t know. In that case I’m mainly thinking “oh god… what are they thinking of me…? I stand out so much… Are they ok with me being here? Wait… I know someone here! He was in my intro to Criminal Justice class! I used to talk to him after class while we walked across campus to our next classes. Whew… ok. I’m good.” But then again… he did “give me” syphilis in the STD workshop he was doing on World AIDS day…
The only time that I feel threatened is when someone is acting VIOLENTLY.
How do you act violently on fuckin’ Tumblr? And are we seriously going to syphilis are we seriously—okay. I quit. We’ll just consider this a necessary corrective to any tender tendrils of optimism growing in my heart, and call it a day.
Thanks for making it all about you and not at all or ever about the people you jumped on in the first place, though. That was great. A+ derail; would jeer again.
Yeah. Sorry, nerdydyke, you may actually believe that… but I don’t. I’ve found that when people who claim to be “frightened” or “triggered” by the women of color - their “violent” words or gifs in this case, I guess, all that - start out by immediately comparing them to the violent men in their lives (even if mom is thrown in at the end), there are usually far deeper issues involved. Add in the positioning of yourself as small and weak — compared to whom? I mean, you are small by your description, but I don’t know the people you are in disagreement with, but do you? How do you know that they are big and brawny and threatening?
Part of what you are doing is what has been done to women of color, Black women in particular, for centuries… which is masculinizing them (or whatever the right word is.) and this has nothing to do with people’s gender identity and all that, it’s the positioning of women of color, Black women, as on par physically and as a threat, with men. Do you see how you are doing that?
Another thing. You are comparing the verbal (or written, expressed through pictures and gifs, so on) expression of pain and offense, even with the use of angry words, with the violence of abuse and viewing them in the position of the abuser, of someone abusing you. Instead of comparing their words and actions to outcry of the abused. Why is that, do you think?
I think it may be because if you think of it that way, that they are maybe on their last nerve after a day of encountering the big…but especially the small, the tiny, the constant drip, drip of racism and bigotry and dislike and sideways looks and drawing backs and lack of eye contact and rolled eyes and disbelief and all the other things that add up to near-constant stress and, yes, abuse in the daily lives of many people of color—if you think of it that way, then that positions you on the other side, doesn’t it? It positions you, no matter how small and weak and nice and polite and quiet you are in your disbelief of where they are coming from, of what they are experiencing, of what has caused them pain and rage, your attempts to tell them what they should feel, how they should feel it, how they should express it, and why… well, that just puts you in the position of yet another oppressor, no? Maybe makes you yet another drip of, yes, abuse and violence to their systems.
Right?
Needed to bold some great responses here (and anoldladyonfire is also speaking on this spectacularly), but I wanted to highlight these things because it speaks to a bigger issue, and one that has been talked about over and over and over again.
Also, I don’t know about velocicrafter and others, but I do not ID as female. I’m transmasculine, and if nerdydyke had ever taken even a single moment to look at my blog instead of butting in, as she has before, she would know that.
So, y’know, fyi on that.
But yes, others who are WOC have been painted in these broad strokes by her before and she continues to play every spot on the liberal racist bingo card.
And that’s the last I will engage on this matter.
